I'll Praise You In This Storm

Today was the scariest most difficult day we have had since Jim was diagnosed with leukemia one year ago.

Jim has been doing well over the last few days and we have been waiting for his counts to rise so he can come home. Today, however, he experienced a new symptom - a tremor in his right arm. Jim called me to let me know that the doctor examined him and ordered a CT of his head to rule out any bleeding in his brain and a neurology consult. I received another call less than an hour later from a nurse telling me that Jim had experienced a seizure and was not doing well. She asked me to come to the hospital right away.

As I drove to the hospital, a million things went through my mind, not knowing what to expect when I got there. It was very scary. When I arrived, I was met by another nurse who gently took my hand and told me first that Jim was stable and awake and talking. Then she told me the entire story. Jim decided to take a shower. As he was drying off, he experienced some cramping of his right hand and his fingers curled inward. He was not feeling well at this point and pulled the cord to call the nurse. He doesn't remember anything after that. His nurse came right away and found him face down on the bathroom floor. She called a code and the nurses and doctors came in to get him back in bed and assess him. They believe he experienced a seizure and was out for about 15 minutes. Within 30 minutes, they had him in the ICU. He has some bumps and bruises from his fall, and since Jim's platelet count is so low, the plan was to have another CT scan done of his head to see if he experienced any bleeding. Both the first and the second CT scans were negative for any bleeding - a big sigh of relief. Then a neurologist reviewed his records and examined Jim. The neurologist believes the seizure was a side effect from an antibiotic he received. More tests were ordered to rule out any other causes, but the doctor seemed convinced that this antibiotic was the cause. It has been discontinued.

Jim is a little sore and bruised, but is resting comfortably this evening and receiving the best of care in the ICU. Once all the test results are back and he gets the okay from the doctor, he will be moved back to the Oncology Unit, probably in a day or so.

On another note, Steven, our middle son who has cystic fibrosis, has not been feeling well over the last few days. He has developed a cough and a stuffy nose. I called the doctor this morning and they have asked to see Steven in the office tomorrow morning. The nurse cautioned me that the pulmonologist may want to admit Steven for IV antibiotics which is sometimes done for patients with cystic fibrosis to treat lung infections. Thankfully, Steven presents mildly with cystic fibrosis. He was not diagnosed until he was 10 years old, and outside of his diagnosis, he has not had any hospital admissions. At least not until now, possibly.

As I reflect on this day, I am struck by how difficult this journey is. This is hard. I am so weary in the evenings and sometimes so overwhelmed by it all. At the same time, I see how the Lord continues to watch over and provide for us. I am so thankful that Jim was able to pull that cord so that help came right away. I am so thankful that the CT scans were negative. I am thankful that the seizure appears to have been caused by an antibiotic that can be discontinued. I am so thankful for the best nursing staff we could ever imagine. Not only did they do their very best for Jim, but they were gentle with me and gave me the time I needed to cry and absorb it all and answered all of my questions. We saw the look of concern on their faces. Many came up to see Jim and make sure he was okay before leaving when their shift ended. I know they read this blog and so I want to take a moment to give a shout out to them. They have become like part of our family, or maybe it's that we have become a part of theirs. They are wonderful caregivers that truely want the best for Jim. Thank you, thank you, thank you for taking such good care of Jim. Thank you for your kindness and concern for both of us. We count you all as a blessing from God. You all make this difficult journey a little more bearable.

We will continue to trust God as we find ourselves in the middle of this storm. We know He is all powerful and is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine.

Oh, I forgot to tell you - Jim began losing his hair a few days ago. He shaved his head this morning so he wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. This was such a difficult thing for me to see last year. Today it seemed pretty minor.