“I Didn’t Really Fall, I Just Slid.”

As I write this blog entry, I have the advantage of seeing how much better things are now compared to a couple days ago. Wednesday was a difficult day. My reserves were gone and even though we had news to share, I couldn't bring myself to write a blog post because I was so exhausted and hopeless. Jim scared me and things escalated to the point where we both felt we had more than what we could handle on our own. Jim had become weaker and weaker. Early Wednesday morning after midnight, Jim was having trouble sleeping. His own words were that he was "agitated." His mind was racing and he was restless. About 2:00 a.m., he got up to use the bathroom. I heard him kind of moan or cry out, and I jumped out of bed to check on him. He was slumped down straddling the toilet backward. He did not have the energy to stay on his feet. I called for Brad and we got Jim back on his feet and into bed. We realized that he knocked the toilet paper holder right out of the wall. I stayed awake for the next few hours watching over him. Early in the morning, I phoned Jim's doctor who recommended admission to the hospital. It was another dark day. We were both so tired and Jim was so weak. I began to think that we would never make it through this because Jim seemed to be going downhill so quickly. I was losing hope. There were lots of tears. Wednesday evening I was given this passage as encouragement.

Lamentations 3:21-25

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait on Him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him: it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

What a difference a day makes. Jim received IV fluids and transfusions of both platelets and hemoglobin after his lab work was evaluated. Yesterday, after a Thanksgiving dinner with the boys, we went up to see Jim at the hospital. I was surprised to see how improved he was. He was much steadier on his feet and had color in his cheeks. He was able and wanting to have a conversation where just a day earlier, he would only answer with two word sentences because he didn't have the energy to talk. He was clearer minded today and his reflexes were quicker. When we were explaining the reason for his admission to a friend of ours at the hospital, he showed his personality when he said, "I didn't really fall, I just slid." Thankfully, that is true. He didn't fall or bump his head; he just slid down the wall and took out the toilet paper holder. I, of course, told him that we would now have to redecorate our bathroom since there are holes in the wall where the toilet paper holder was.

Jim and I had a great conversation last night about what our lives here on earth mean and how we impact others. We are very aware of the fact that this battle with leukemia isn't about us at all or whether we win the battle, but it is about what God is accomplishing through our situation. As we pray for complete healing and keep our eye on the goal of getting to U of M for the stem cell transplant, we are praying that God would accomplish His purpose. We continue to be thankful that even though emotionally we are up an down from one day to the next, God is always faithful and His great love and compassion never fail. He is our rock and the One who is holding us tightly through this storm.

Jim will undergo another chemo treatment today while he is at the hospital. Please pray that the spinal fluid results would continue to show improvement and that Jim would be able to tolerate the treatment. Chemo days are difficult for Jim but we know they are so necessary to clear his spinal fluid which moves us closer to transplant.

Here's how you can pray:

• Thank God with us that Jim is feeling so much better.
• Thank God for His great love for us.
• Pray that the way would be clear to go to U of M for stem cell transplant.
• Pray that Jim's central nervous system would be clear of all leukemia and that there wouldn't be any "hidden" leukemia cells that could cause relapse.
• Pray that Jim would be better able to tolerate the chemotherapy today and would feel a special presence and comfort from God.
• Pray for the boys and me as we continue each day under the stress of this disease.

Thank you for following us on this journey and uplifting us before our most powerful God.